How to Cope with Teenage Moodiness?
Teenage is a susceptible age & these years are the most crucial years of your child’s journey. Teenage years influence how they will shape up as an adult. Therefore as parents, we have to be extremely careful while handling their fears, anxieties and stress.
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Even a small mistake from our side will move the needle for our young adult towards the better or worse. The hormonal shifts that occur during puberty & the various developmental changes in their brains add to the already complicated process. These may lead to extreme mood swings like irritation, depressions, anxiety or the complete opposite in some cases. There is no rule book on how to manage mood swings in teens. As a parent, we have to find our comfort zone as we know our child best. But there are certainly some basic to do’s which create an environment for a healthy conversation.
7 Awesome Tips to manage Teenage Emotions
I have two daughters, one in mid-teens and the other early teens. As a mother in her pre-menopausal stage, there are multiple people with mood swings in the same house; therefore, the situation can be hilarious or disastrous at the same time. But then you realise that it’s better to manage your teen’s moods than yours to maintain sanity. So here are my tried & tested 7 Useful Tips.
- Make Time
Finish that call or that task on hand; otherwise, you will have double guilt of not managing your task or your teen.
2. Probe unobtrusively
I prefer not to keep on pestering. But I do try to come back to it later if the first few times did not work. Sometimes the teens need space to sort their thoughts and feelings & find a solution themselves. While this should be encouraged, it’s essential to reassure them that you are always there for them to share anything they want. In my case, most of the times, either my daughter is able to sort the issue herself or comes back after a few minutes, hours & even days to reach out for help and advice.
3. Listen & Observe
The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand; we listen to reply. I reiterate- Listen & observe without interruption and without being judgemental. Resist the urge to give solutions immediately. Your teen may be saying or behaving in a certain way, but his body language & the underlying emotion may be totally different from what is apparent. As a parent, we should be able to isolate that emotion and work on that. This will ensure that the behaviour changes and does not repeat.
4. Encourage a Solution Approach
Teenage years are also a good learning ground and will shape their behaviour as an adult. When a teen suggests a solution, there is a sense of ownership to take it through. This is also an opportunity to share our life anecdotes with similar undertones so that they feel that they are not the only ones singled out by destiny. But a word of caution here, let’s not be preachy as it will immediately put off the teen and he/she will become defensive.
5. Time Out
V- VOLATILE -Liable to display rapid changes of emotion depending on whether the internet speed is acceptable or they have the expected “Likes” on the social media posts
U- UNCERTAIN of what they want to do or where their priorities lie. These change every day due to the exposure to social media, influencers, and friends & of course the ever-cautious parents
C- COMPLEX as a result of a plethora of choices to follow, from clothes to career to numerous online challenges.. with social media dictating how one should eat sleep dress and most importantly live our lives. Terms like Cyber Bullying, FOMO, Body-Shaming & Imposter Syndrome are things happening in our world & maybe closer to home.
A- AMBIGUOUS because we as parents are still transitioning from the morals of yesterday to the realities of today. Therefore even we are not sure what is right or wrong thus confusing & stressing out our teens. Maybe that’s why kids want precision in what they read, hear & expect – they don’t like that moral ambiguity.
Teens of today need a Time Out and indulge in activities that elevate their mood. These can be physical exercises like cycling, swimming, walking, dancing etc. Or some hobbies like playing an instrument, painting or even time-off with friends. It’s a known fact exercise promotes chemicals in the brains, the so-called feel-good chemicals endorphins, which are released throughout the body. These chemicals reduce anxiety and depressed mood. Pursuing a hobby can help an individual alleviate stress and support in managing mood swings. Therefore encourage your teens to have these time outs to rejuvenate them & discover their inner potential. If nothing else they will get some new material for their social media posts.
While we are on this topic of helping our teens out with their stressful life, I would recommend a few of these self-help & self-motivation options that will alter your teen’s moods and bring some cheer.
6. Keep talking
Let the teens talk and share their feelings & reactions, whether it's their daily routines or their pet peeves. These can be regarding their school, friends, sibling, current affairs, just anything. These conversations are essential insights into how they are processing information in their minds & reacting. I call this form of parenting "Reverse Parenting". Reverse Parenting gives us an insight into what values, morals & traits our kids have picked up from the ecosystem, including us. Their conversations, reactions, decisions & judgements reflect these and are fundamental building blocks of their character & will help them survive or even thrive in this VUCA world. To learn more about this & the VUCA world refer to Powerful Parenting That Will Make Your Teen Soar.
7. Introspection
If your teen is emulating some behaviours that they have seen around them, then it's time to introspect and relook at our behaviour patterns. Things like mobile habits, eating habits, disrespectful behaviour, jealously, insecurity etc. are top of the list. A child is like a sponge that absorbs both positive and negative energies around her during her growing up years. These energies convert into behaviours and attitudes during the teenage years. And if not corrected, some of them may become a part of an individual's personality as an adult. So stop now and make a course correction for yourself before you go out and help your teen. As rightly said by W.E.B DuBois "Children learn more from what you are than what you teach."
Most Teenage Mood Swings settle with age & here is a study to give you much-needed comfort to go through these times.
If you need further help, I would suggest listening to these beautiful audiobooks on raising teens. They are my workout companions.
On a concluding note, I have personally enjoyed all stages of parenthood till now, and teenage is no different. There are those stressful days where I think I am up against a wall. But these are well compensated by the bear hugs and kisses I get in return on a good day. I am reliving my teenage years with my girls and learning new things with them. I share their fears, their anxieties, their joys and sometimes their secrets. And in return, if I have to spend a few sleepless nights, that's not a bad bargain - it's part of mom's job.
So buckle up and enjoy this roller coaster ride... You will not regret it a bit!!
Teenage Mood Swings are Normal & you can deal with them successfully in most of the cases... Provided you can deal with yours!
Related Parenting Posts
7 LIFE LESSONS TEENS WILL LEARN DURING THE PANDEMIC
5 Tips To Say No To Your Teen That You Need To Learn Now
Powerful Parenting That Will Make Your Teen Soar
Rippy Gauba is a mom of 2 teens who has taken a sabbatical from her 22 years of corporate life & now indulging in her passions which includes spending quality time with her family, painting and blogging. She writes on Mindset, Motivation & Management Tips which impact our lives as an individual, as a parent and as a working professional. She believes that these nuggets can create Ripples of change & that's her intention.