9 Important Roles That Make You A Great MOM
Are you a MOM? Are you a Teenage MOM? If yes, first, please pat yourself on the back – Mom, you are doing a great job.
Having said that, do you still question yourself on these?
- Did I give the right advice?
- Are we doing the right parenting & making our son/daughter ready for the outside world?
- Am I being selfish when I try to take time out for myself?
- Am I spending too much or too little time with my teens?
- Am I making her too dependent or giving her too much independence?
- Is it better to pester them for studying or let them find their way and learn the hard way if necessary?
- Am I judgmental about their friends?
- I am letting her decide on her high school subjects & not doing enough research to guide her.
- Is he/she getting influenced under peer pressure to do something which may not be right for her?
- Am I an “Ideal Mother” to My Teen?
Let me start with the last question first. I have realized there is nothing called an “Ideal Mother”. On the contrary, all these tags are self-imposed titles that put mothers on a high pedestal. Whenever you do something contrary to the acceptable norm, you fall flat and go on a guilt trip. Therefore, we will remove the word “Ideal” from a mom’s dictionary for our discussion today.
As a mother of two teenage daughters, I play these 7 different roles – sometimes switching back & forth within a matter of seconds. I am not perfect at these roles but I have devised my coping methods. Sometimes I ace it; while other times, I may fail.
However, most importantly, I am working towards reducing my guilt every time I cannot fulfil my and my child’s expectation.
As you go through these roles, sit back & reflect on all the efforts you put in every day, every minute in each of these roles without giving yourself enough credit. And I am sure I will see you nodding as you go through them individually.
Different Roles Of A Mother Of A Teenager:
1. Mommi-pedia
Have you noticed how your teenagers expect you to have all the answers to any questions they may have? These include questions about why a particular teacher in school behaves in a certain way to why a particular singer is not releasing his new album. Then, of course, their mood swings and why they feel what they are feeling, why the world is what it is and why they hate a particular person.
It’s ok if you don’t have answers sometimes and partial answers many times. Don’t worry; you will not fall in your teen’s eyes.
In my case, I do not hesitate to admit to my teens that I don’t know what the right answer is, but I can try to find out. But ironically, many times in life, there are no rights or wrongs. Then I share my perspective with them and let them make their own decisions.
2. Michelin Mom
What I mean is Master-chef MOM. When my girls return from school, they are so hungry they can eat an elephant. And it’s any mom’s nightmare to decide every day what to give in tiffin & what to make for their snacks when they come home—especially when both of them have different choices & you want these choices to be healthy.
It does not end there. A house with teens will have them opening the fridge and staring at it multiple times a day. Maybe they are hoping that the food that they want will pop up automatically.
The only way I keep myself sane on this is that I have a food plan made for the entire week, which we all try to follow. Of course, sometimes mood variations determine food choices, but we stick to the schedule by and large.
If any of you have a better way of managing this, please do share.
3. CMO – Chief Mentoring Officer
MOM, you are the whole C-Suite of the house. Well, I have outsourced the CFO bit to my husband, but seriously of all the roles a mom plays, CMO is the most critical.
Your teens will come to you ranting, complaining, frustrated, moody, and you have to make sure you hear them out with patience without being judgmental.
I have devised my own little strategy to manage these Teen’s Mood Swings, which works for me every time. I am sure you will find it helpful.
So many times, I put my moods, my to-dos, and my feelings aside to give my daughters the comforting shoulder they need.
But you can only do it if you are not stressed and are at peace with yourself. Remember, you can postpone Self-care temporarily but not indefinitely. You must restore your peace of mind regularly if you want the best for your family. Whether working at home or outside, prioritise Self-Care so that you can give your best to people who matter the most.
Here are some quick & easy Self-Care Tips to help you rejuvenate and care for yourself.
4. CHO – Chief Housekeeping Officer
As a kid, I was truly amazed at how my mom managed the house. She is a doctor & had tough work hours with night calls. Still, she managed to strike a balance between her household responsibilities & her profession with ease, or so it seemed to me. I was not sure if I would be able to do so at that time.
But yes, when the time came, I did the same and still doing it. Managing a house is like managing your own little company where you have to take care of all stakeholders, manage the optimum use of resources and ensure profits in a happy & healthy family.
Mom, you may be in charge of this but remember, some days may not be as perfect as the rest. Give yourself that leeway that the house may not be at the tidiest best, or the food may not taste that good some days. Your kids may have to settle with whatever is available in the house. That’s fine …Let go.
5. She-rlock Mom
This is an instinct of any mom. Whenever something is missing in my wardrobe or my makeup, I have to play this role. And more than often, I shall find it in my daughter’s wardrobe or cupboard. She detests this as she feels it’s an intrusion of her privacy. But Honestly, I only do this after multiple reminders.
But on a serious note, as a mom, I have donned this role when I see that my child is disturbed and want to get to the root of it.
Believe me, it’s a stressful job, and for me, the only thing that works is persistence & patience with my teen. I know eventually, she will come around and share what’s on her mind.
So, moms, don’t underestimate your investigating prowess & have patience when your teens don’t respond. Please don’t let your imagination run wild & start overthinking. Give them and yourself time.
6. Mom-inspire
Your kids will look up to you first for any wrong or right things to do. If you are eating healthy and are conscious of your fitness, so will your kids. If you are particular about certain values like time management, cleanliness & openness, most likely, your kids will follow you.
But a word of caution here. Please don’t stress yourself to be perfect all the time or be right all the time. It’s alright to make mistakes and accept that you may also do some wrong things sometimes.
It’s OK to be HUMAN and Not be the Ideal person. Our teens need to see the human side of their mom and not the Super-Human side. They will imbibe important lessons on making mistakes & learning from them.
7. Queen Of Multitasking
As a mom, I have become adept at multitasking. Sometimes I take my office calls while cooking in the kitchen or folding the laundry. As the boundaries between home and office blur in the post-pandemic world, multitasking skills have become necessary for survival.
But sometimes I do feel I want just to leave everything and not be “doing something “ always.
So, when you feel that way – Do IT. Leave everything and do what you want – go for a walk, swim, listen to music, speak to a friend, or simply relax and do nothing.
Sometimes doing Nothing is as satisfying as doing many things !!
So, Moms, whenever you feel overwhelmed and think you are not doing enough, close your eyes & say this small affirmation:
“ I am bringing up my child to the best of my abilities. I will do my best to give him/her the right values & morals to be a good and responsible human being. But I cannot write his/her destiny. I can only prepare him/her to face his/her destiny.”
And end this affirmation by saying, “I am good enough as a MOM”.
Continue to be their Anchor but don’t forget to stick your feet firmly to the ground first!
Now coming back to the “Ideal Mother” & do they exist, hear this TED Talk to find your answers.
Unmask The Lies Of MotherHood.
So Moms, do away with mom guilt – You are an Amazing MOM.
Please do share with other amazing moms you know.
Thank you to my dear sister Dr Minni Chadha for the lovely blog header artwork
7 Valuable Roles You Play That Make You A Great MOM.
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